I wonder how many times I will sit in this Starbucks with tears streaming down my face. This morning they flowed down and I could not help but raise my arms – I lift them, lift them up to The Lord – my Father in Heaven who holds ALL things in His hands! He pains me with His glory – it is TOO much – TOO much! Who are you God that you are so good? So kind? So generous? Like the weight of searing sorrow, this joy, this wonder, it exceeds the limits of my flesh. I, such a finite one, bump up against the bulk of the eternal God ! My face cannot contain this smile!
Come what may, this day is a day I feared would never, ever come. I look back over the past four months of failed chemo after failed chemo and RSV and cancer popping up new place after new place. I think of my sweet girl who went from frolicking to not being able to stand, much less walk. Who is this girl? Well, today she is a little girl full of spunk and joy and life and vigor and furrowed brow and enticingly adorable. She now invites staff to come in and play with her, to watch a movie or just sit with her. Today she has made it through hard-core chemo and awaits an incredible gift. Today is a day of incomprehensible hope – a hope that seemed impossible not so very long ago. Doors swinging open and open and open – the hand of God effortlessly pushing them aside.
How many times has my Father extended His arm out over the waters and invited me to walk – to step out on shifting waters, to look Him in the eye and trust Him, to put one foot in front of the other and put all my hope in Him? How many days have the winds buffeted and the sky seemed angry and black? Today, the sky is bright baby, new hope, spectacular blue. He has brought us safe thus far. Come what may, He has brought us to THIS DAY! Today’s circumstances are no promise of tomorrow’s circumstances – yet – today’s beautiful power and faithfulness ARE promises of tomorrow’s beautiful power and faithfulness. Oh how I long to have these truths so embedded in every fiber of my flesh that all my days would be lived with as much joy and hope and rest as I know this day. But He is so faithful to teach me again and again – to amass more days and situations and stories of how He came through – how at His core He is Savior – He sweeps up the broken, the dead, the lost. He sweeps me up into Himself! Beware, He is on the hunt for you too!
Yesterday a woman on the other side of this spectacular planet, fulfilled her promise – she acted on the committment she made. She gave. She let her blood flow out. For hours it was drained out of her. I don’t know your name but – oh, thank you, thank you. I was told only that you are a 37-year-old female from Europe. When I heard those words my jaw dropped – “I am a 37-year-old female,” I thought! In the same small span of time that God made me, He made another little baby girl on the other side of the earth, and one day it would come to pass that she would be prompted to sign up to donate her bone marrow. Why? I know nothing of her story, but she made a choice to be ready to give. And then one day she was called upon to give – and she said, “Yes,” again! And while I slept, her cells, her life blood, her CD34 stem cells, flew over the north pole and are due to land in Seattle at 11:15am this morning!
Transplant is projected to be around 3 this afternoon!!!!!! It’s Day Zero – a beautiful day – THE day The Lord has made!!!!
(By the way all picture credit on this post goes to my super skilled sister-in-law, Jo! – thanks!)